I need an outside perspective on a process I went thru unaware I was going thru it.as a child I was highly sensitive to the spiritual side of things and I knew without a doubt that the inside was reflected on the outside.i was a very talented athlete and I planned on making a career out of it since a child and I knew I could do it at the same time I was always good with words and I loved to write music and poetry so I was aware of my gifts early in life from like five I always would be playing sports or drawing and writing comics.fast forward to my high school senior year I was an all state football player and know to rap around the city I went to college on a football scholarship which I lost due to not having the right courses to eligible for a scholarship I could have walked on and made it without a doubt but I was no longer in love with sports I wanted to be an artist . But as a rapper in the early 2000s it was real negative so I thought in order to be a rapper I had to be that image. That being said I started getting into things that were criminal smoking weed everyday and stealing selling drugs and different unlawful things for a reputation. Going from being a athlete with fine tuned muscle memory working out everyday with positive intentions to a weed smoking cigarette smoking thug I began to not really like myself or became aware that I didn't love myself anymore. I began to lose my awareness of who I was I no longer was a leader I was impressionable like I went backwards in life as far as my emotional growth. One night I was back at home cause I got kicked out of school still trying to be a thug but very depressed so got some weed and smoked it on the corner with a friend but it was different than any other time I smoked my thoughts were racing and I just couldn't calm down. I went home and was scared so I tried to pray but couldn't I remember hearing voices and feeling as if I was in a vortex and being cut off from a higher part of me. Each thought was like a mirror breaking so I couldn't reflect back up where the thought was coming from. I just tried to go to sleep when I woke the next day I still would hear voices and would not be able to focus or be present in the moment that went on for months. I eventually came to some sort of balance after years later many years later I never received any kind of treatment but I wanted to end the pain many times. I'm ok now I'm no longer depressed I'm a productive citizen to use such a term to say I'm functioning but I remember myself before I went thru all of that and I had much more awareness and power within myself and my thoughts. Is there anyone who can help me get back to feeing whole or a place I can start to begin to travel back up from where I went. I know it's so much more to life I've experienced it I just want to be whole again and understand what happened to me.

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Bernard, thankyou for being open and true to your being.  The process of change has already begun. You have the intent, activated.  Reach for the memory of the athlete. Reach it, grab it. . . What did you do to begin your day? what environmental input stimulated that healthy growth in you?

A good practice, is to write down, only the positive side of the memories, dig deep, ...

How does it feel?  How does it feel to be running...feeling the wind against your perspiring skin, cooling you down, drinking cool water that hydrates, and setting goals, that you KNOW are acheivable?....  RECALL....

17 seconds, is all it takes for your neurons to create a path, 2 x 17, momentum is building, 60 seconds, you have an established momentum, keep it up, nurture this momentum, you are INTENTIONALLY CREATING CHANGE.  The longer you hold the focus, intent, feel, vibratory field, the more momentum it has, so, before you go to bed, waking times, enter the stillness, and find the recall, ... visualise your self, self speak, speak to your inner you....You have lived this, you know what it is to be elevated by wholeness, vibrancy!  Believe in yourself. 
Dig out an old pic or two of you, when you were in the prime!  place them where you see them regularly, and maybe put a note near, with affirmations, I am strong, I am an athlete.  I am whole.  I love and accept myself completely.  I am thriving in my life!  I am happy. I am......'......you know inside what you need to affirm....do  not be afraid to look in your mirror and say this to your self.  and forgive yourself, it is all part of life lessons, experience, so, you know now, what that feels like to be 'cut off', disconnected....  you have empathy now for those going through and as you take back your control, and lessen the things that have control, and re introduce that which builds, nurtures, etc, you will be a living testimony....to change.

Our body is a Universe, the universe has been blocked, and clogged and in some ways, now needs a fumigation!  A clear out!  De clutter of the brain, the systems, the crap.

It is what it is, so dont judge yourself, nor blame.  Detox.  There are things on the site here and on Realm Dynamics that  can help you, but you begin with your choices.  You are in charge of yourself, take back control of your ship. 

A body groomed with fast foods, take aways, dead meats, will be parched.

so, eat healthy, exercise, meditate, sleep lots, and laugh!  have fun, enjoy.  even go running with someones dog! it will help .....be out in nature, build up your strength, if your bedroom has been dark, dingy, let in the light, clear the clutter, create change, what have you been listening to? has it brought out angers, hurts, agressions, rejections,? listen to some niurturing stuff.....click on a youtube video of nature sounds for an hour, whilst you do warm ups, or meditate.....lots to help, and many on this site, can encourage you also, but you, yourself, are the driving force!

Thank you janet, for sharing this is useful and inspiring me, too. Wholeness

You are welcome Trish.
All of us go through life experience, and at times, we can go into deep, densitites. We can feel lost, out of touch with our desired reality, our Higher Beingness, isolated and out of control.
Being aware, is a first step in recovery, in self recovery.  The reflections of the world around you, do not necessarily reflect all dimensions. We ARE MULTIdimensional beings.  This physical is not our only reality.

You do not want a reality, change it!  It is doable. We can master our emotion, and detatch from habitual behaviours and thought patterns and create new ones. Better. Improved. Re birthed. New Born.
Feel it. Think it.  Imagine it.  Experience it. Declare it.

Take the time, to realise your desires.  What is behind them? 

Are we doing something because of other people?  Another's behaviour should not really affect us, nor affect our outcomes. Yet, we give our power away, and allow others to have control and drain us of energy. Feed yourself first. Drink from the well first.  Then, you will be aligning with yourself...

I can talk til the cows come home on such matters, and ways that we can elevate ourself, all , with no exception, experience lows and the highs, and we can all relate to what it is like to be out of alignment. The good news, anyone reading this, has truly returned to the flow of alignment of self with self, and the natural flow, will be felt, the Unseen, is at work.

Much love to all, Janet

I'll drink to that Janet, Please continue... thank you sista

I apologize, this is ego driven. Perhaps your supposed problem is too?

- -

This is your game. In the end, this is your world.

What are your intentions? The core, the first thought that springs to mind?

But then again it's been a while hasn't it? Where is the starting point? Your starting point? Why did you come here?

I view my stuff as far back from, or as close into, this plane of existence (as I grasp it currently) as possible. But the other dimensions are definitely there.

Viewer discretion is advised. This is all my opinion:

This society is a joke IMO. This 3D concrete jungle gym has been bullying everything for a loooooooooooooong time. Built upon a myriad of structures which purposes are not presented fully to us at ALL.

It is a game my friend. An opportunity (is that the right word? to describe what this THING [life here right now] is? Hmmm... This aint my language...)

to push things to the limit.

Basically, we as a society are restricted to pieces of paper dictatorships. Remain calm and know that this is just one mixed bag of promises. Drugs or no drugs, you are your own creator. GOD, if you will.

If you don't mind a push, fellow student - a couple questions jump out whilst I read your post:

Question: Who, what, how exactly, were you leading?

Oh, and what were you praying to?

And what exactly was the pain?

An inferiority complex? General fear?

FEAR, is the original push.

"Why am I here?"

"This isn't good enough"

I'm just throwing the first things that come to mind, when regarding your post, doing my best to offer something that wont make you FEAR.

Free yourself soldier! You are your own god.

I AM IN MY 60'S, WHEN I WAS A YOUNG MAN I WAS SMOKING A LOT OF WEED AND GOT PLENTY HIGH, HOWEVER ON THAT PARTICULAR DAY THE HIGH THAT I EXPERIENCED WAS VERY DIFFERENT, I DIDN'T HEAR VOICES BUT I FELT COMPELLED TO GO TO A LIBRARY AND START READING EVERYTHING ESOTERIC EVEN THOUGH I HAD NO INTEREST IN ANY OF THIS.    I GOT HIGHER JUST READING THE MATERIAL.  DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK JUST KEPT FINDING MATERIAL AND KEPT READING EVEN THOUGH I DID NOT COMPREHEND MOST OF WHAT I READ.  EVENTUALLY I WAS ABLE TO COMPREHEND WHAT I WAS READING BUT I DIDN"T KNOW WHY I WAS BEING LED DOWN THIS PATH.  I TOO WAS AFRAID BUT I DECIDED TO  CONTINUE AND THE HELL WITH THE FEAR. 

I THINK THAT ALL EXPERIENCES ARE PRE DESTINED FOR THE INDIVIDUAL TO LEARN FROM ONE'S LIFE CHOICES.

I EVENTUALLY REALIZED THAT I PROGRAMED THESE EXPERIENCES AND I LEARNED FROM THESE EXPERIENCES, NOT ALL EXPERIENCES ARE THE FEEL GOOD TYPE.  NOR DOES BAD EXPERIENCES MEAN WE ARE BAD.

IN MY CASE THAT  EXPERIENCE LED ME TO THE OVERSOUL, HIGHERSELF, AND ULTIMATELY TO WHO I AM.  PERHAPS THE VOICES CAN BE ALL OF YOUR INCARNATIONS SPEAKING AT THE SAME TIME.  YOU MAY HAVE TO COME TO AN UNDERSTANDING THAT TIME IS NOT LINEAR, THIS MAY LEAD YOU TO TRY TO UNDERSTAND WHOM YOU REALLY ARE.   ALL THE DRUGS I EXPERMENTED WITH AND ALL THE THINGS I DID ON THE WAY TO FINDING MY SELF HASN'T MADE ME LOSE MY SANITY BUT I FELT LIKE IT AT THE TIME.  BUT EVENTUALLY CLUES WHERE LEFT FOR ME.  JUST AS I AM SURE THEY ARE LEFT FOR YOU.  

YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN HELP YOU.  DO YOU REALLY WANT TO GO BACK TO WHAT YOU WERE? YOU ARE ALREADY ON THE WAY UP FROM WERE YOU WENT YOU JUST DIDN'T KNOW, NOW YOU DO.   YOU ARE ON THE PATH, NOW WALK IT!

 

I would like to thank all of you who responded to my post I definitely will use the advice I comprehended and meditate on what I did not inner stand to get clarity on it again thank you

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